Friday, April 23, 2010

Creating This Blog - The Beginning

I went through a plethora of titles and available blogger addresses before this one. I'm actually very happy I went through that process. Because for every address that wasn't available, I went to the address to realize that those people may have posted once or posted a few times and then no more. While I am freely admitting my addiction to food, I am also about to embark upon a journey to reclaim my life, so I like that the title includes the word, "Life!" Maybe I should have made the title L'Chaim.

Anyway, I think this should be the post where I tell you a little bit about myself. I am only going to reveal a little bit about me because this is my online journal which I am not revealing to a single friend or family member. This is for me, by me. This is an important part of my journey and may prove to be beneficial when I go back to it later. So, let me give you a basic list.

1. I am female
2. I love food

Now that I've gotten that out of the way, I have to admit that the journey I'm about to take I am imagining will be painful. You see, I like being a food addict. I don't think bad thoughts about myself. I'm not even in bad physical shape (though I am obese...just lucky that I don't have considerable health issues). I WANT to keep eating foods that keep me in a destructive cycle. They make me feel good. They make me feel comfortable. They make me feel safe. Did you get that last one? They make me feel safe. Food, and subsequently my weight, has kept me from having relationships with some people. These aren't even people who are necessarily known. My past has played a huge part in this, which I will get into at a later time. But, suffice to say, if food feels good and provides security, I'm not overly thrilled with eliminating or controlling it.

Why am I doing this?

Well, the law of averages will eventually even out and I will have health issues. I want to be able to be more active. I want to be able to shop at regular sized clothing stores. I want to be average sized for once in my adult life since it hasn't happened yet. Finally, I want to face my fear of being an average sized person and conquer the last of my demons in the process. I can't, nor do I want to speculate how this journey will end. Hell, it hasn't even begun. I just want to be with it every day and see where it takes me.

You're welcomed to join...but not welcomed to judge.


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