Saturday, April 24, 2010

Kicking & Screaming

Otherwise known as Day 1.  Though, my supplements didn't come yet, so I'm not "officially" doing this until I get them all in.  Husband is already driving me crazy as he's doing an official program and I'm following with a "look-alike" as to not stretch the capacity of his money-obsessed mind.  But, it's all "me, mine, I" already because he refuses to see this as a partnership.  In fairness to him, it's probably a good way to look at it AND it eliminates him being my food police, which he tends to do. 

Wait, I should step back here for a second.  I bet you're wondering what my journey will look like.  Well, let's just say that I've been on every diet imaginable in the past AND I've had lapband surgery.  None of those things address food addiction.  That said, I'm at a weight which makes me uncomfortable and I'm not addressing any of my issues by staying big, so I am using a meal replacement system to lose the weight up front.  Dieting is easy for me.  Getting past my "I must fuck this up" phase and keeping the weight off is the hard part.  I'm not suggesting this is the right way to do it, but it is the way I'm going to do it.  My husband got frustrated with his weight as well, as he is the highest weight he's ever been and decided to enroll in a doctor monitored meal replacement program.  This is good for him because he has Type I Diabetes and he feels like he is part of something that is his.  Again, the self-centered aspect of this is not all bad, just terribly annoying at the time.

As you can see by the title, I do not want to do this.  I like feeling safe and sound in my obese cocoon.  I like the way food makes me feel emotionally.  However, I do not like the way bad food makes me feel bad physically.  Obviously, my emotions have been given more attention along the way.  As mentioned before, though, I haven't dealt with the fear of how I would feel and what my behaviors would be if I were thinner.  Herein starts my journey.


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